What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
What a dumb baby whore.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
