I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
