I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize