im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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