OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
