He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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