Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
