I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
