i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
