Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
