Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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