theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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