We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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