you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
