That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
