Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize