New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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