sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize