Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
