when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize