Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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