There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
