I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
