I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize