The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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