Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
