11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
