A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
