She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the day after is always just damage control
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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