im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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