wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize