I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
