I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
