Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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