so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
