i permit you to call me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
