is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
