Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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