Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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