I want to have your abortion
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
