im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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