the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
