I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
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On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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