This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Who died my cat blue again?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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