Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
