im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
