shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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