I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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