he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
