you have to choose: penises or morals?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
