I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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