I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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