It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
