First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
love makes seman taste better
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize