I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
