I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
