Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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