Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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