Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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