sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
