it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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