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No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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