Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
