i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
