Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
