I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
