you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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